Regrets and goodbyes
by LuLuuu
Summary: Bella does some soul searching, ending in a shouting match at a bar. Girl power? I think so. Bella/ONESHOT.


**Christina Perri- Jar of hearts. Listen, goes with this. Bella has a Nasty break-up.**

The tears fell, without abandon. I whimpered and clutched myself, holding myself together. And failing. I scrunched my eyes up, hoping to alleviate some of the pain. I curled up into myself and fell into a fitful sleep. Plauged by nightmares. I awoke in tears, the streaks marking my pale face.

I scrutinized my appearence in my grimy mirror. Long, lank hair. A rich colour, just uncared for. A pale, shadowed face. Almost translucent. Then dead, lifeless eyes. Nothing. I sighed and headed to the shower, refusing to look at myself any longer.

I relaxed as the shower ran in rivulets down my back, relieving my tension and unknotting my muscles in the process. It was almost painful. Almost. Grimacing, I turned the shower off after it ran cold. I towel dried my hair withing minutes, yanking a brush through it and pulling a sock on my left foot at the same time. I tumbled, predictably and my head met the corner of my dresser with a loud _thwack-_ing noise. I stayed on the floor. My eyes had caught a carelessly discarded photo. One of happier, pain free times. I shook.

My hands tangled through my hair. I whimpered. The agony was killing me. That one photo. I fought the tears, fought my feelings and stood back up. I rooted through my dresser, now with a blood-stain on, and pulled out one of my overly large hooded tops. I brushed my hair once more and left the house to a hollered ''Bye!'' From Charlie.

The drive to school seemed longer. Lonely. Another sob worked its way around myself and I slumped against the seat, my truck idling in the parking lot. Shaking my head, I turned the engine off and struggled down from my truck. My height was a bitch sometimes. Bag slung over shoulder, I tramped toward the front doors. I saw his car and the pain came barrelling back. I heard his laugh and my breath became short. I saw him and my body seized up, sending me toward the stone floor, my already damaged head bounding off of the pavement with a resounding thud.

Laughter from all sides reached my ears and I struggled to my feet, clumsily, my face a startling shade of scarlet. Thankfully, the toilets were empty and I sorted my tear and blood stained face out. It took a while due to the raw skin from my most recent encounter with the floor.

I stopped at my locker to place my books in before heading to my first class. Biology. I was thankful he wasn't in that lesson. The humilation from my fall still burning through me. Painfully. I paid attention and took my notes, as I should, not that I needed to after taking the AP classes in Phoenix. I doodled absentmindedly after finishing my work minutes before everyone else with my eyes flashing to the clock every so often.

I stumbled my way toward Math. I fought the tight sensation gathering in my stomach. Its like every fibre of my being knew he was going to be there and the electricity and nerves were shooting through me, threating to over-take me. I ignored them and walked into the classroom. I felt his eyes on me and almost broke down, but I didn't. Hey, I was finally getting stronger.

The class passed slowly. Too slow. Im sure someone had rigged the clock or something. I felt his eyes boring into the back of my head, but I refused to meet his amber-eyed gaze. I wouldn't torture myself anymore.

The bell rang and I headed to lunch, grabbing a salad and water, and sitting myself down amongst a chattering group of people. I nodded to Angela before slowly eating my salad.

I threw everything on my tray away; half-eaten salad and an empty water bottle. More than I have eaten in recent weeks, because of him. Next lesson would be horrific. Last week, I had been partnered with him and my fragile heart had shattered. I hated him. But I still loved him. I wanted to feel one thing, not a swirling multitude of emotions. I begged to any god who'd listen, but to no avail.

English used to be the highlight of my day. Now it was just a living hell. I had to breathe him in for two hours. I had to watch his every movement. I was hyper-aware of his body being less than a foot away and my chest ached.

''Hey'' His voice soft, as always. I nodded weakly, my head turned partly in his direction. I saw his sigh and the folding of his muscled arms across his chest. He was annoyed with me. I felt offended with that gesture, but I knew him too well. I knew he would be flicking his eyes in my direction, knew he would keep his hands like that to stop himself grabbing mine. I didn't want him near me, after what he had done. All those other girls...

I sighed and turned in his direction once the teacher had given the go-ahead to start work.

''Look, Edward, this isn't exactly easy for me'' I took a breath, calmed myself ''But you need to stop being childish about the whole thing'' His eyes widend.

''You think I am being childish?'' He hissed at me ''On the contrary, I find it funny to watch you squirm because you're _heartbroken_'' he sneered the last word. I gasped, but held his gaze.

''You're a dick, you know that, right?'' He looked shocked at my casual cursing. Yeah, Im different now.

''I want to still be with you, Bella. Its just everythings changed''

''Do one, Edward. Save your incessant lies for someone who actually cares'' I loved being able to lie, because I cared for this heart-breaker. Way too much.

I found myself half-way through my work, my thoughts on going to the supermarket to pick up somethings for tea tonight when I again felt his piercing gaze on me. Without breaking my stride of writing ''What do you want now?''

''Just admiring you''

''Shutup. Do some work. Might get you somewhere in life, if daddy doesn't pay his way''

'' You little...'' He was cut off by the bell and I rushed out of the classroom into the open air, waiting against my truck for Angela. We were going to Port Angeles. I needed a night out. And it was Friday. Me and Ang staying out late sounded a good idea. My friend appeared and we headed back to mine to change, laughter and idle chatter accompanying us for the entire journey to Port Angeles.

We headed to the nearest bar, knowing we could get served soft-drinks, because were still only eighteen. Somewhere between sips of Lemonade and Coke, Edward appeared. All over a blonde. I clutched my hands to my stomach, thankful the room was dark enough for him to not have noticed me. Angela noticed my extreme discomfort though, and quickly located the source.

''You wanna leave?''

''No, I won't let him ruin our night out Ang, lets go dance'' I grabbed her hand before she could protest and pretty soon we were falling about and laughing with our so-called attempts at dancing. My eyes scanned the room, and noticed the blonde girl looking dejected and upset. I saw why. Edward was all over another pretty blonde, his mouth nibbling her ear and I stopped. The tears almost brimmed over, but didn't.

He wasn't worth it. My time or tears. I strode over to him, his golden gaze travelling up my body before resting on my enraged features.

''One minute, cutie'' He said to blonde number two, who just giggled.

''Who the hell do you think you are? You're a serial cheater, and now you're breaking hearts left, right and centre. Well, you know what?'' The music dulled down, the entire room paying attention to us ''All of the girls in this room are _way _too good for you! No one deserves to be hurt so callously! Yet, you flaunt around the notches on your bedpost like a symbol of your popularity. Its not. Its deceitful and wrong! You, Edward Cullen, are worthless and don't deserve the love or affection of anyone'' I huffed, effectively ending my rant, and there was a smattering of appplaise before it became full blown cheers from the surrounding crowd.

''You go Bella!'' I heard a voice shout. Edward looked put out. He opened his mouth, but blondie number two beat him to it.

''Don't bother, jerk'' she stood up and left. Edward looked upset. Good.

I moved closer, my face inches away and I wondered why I wasn't breaking down. I lowered my voice and hissed at him-

''You made me love you. You played me and broke my heart! You have no idea how much pain you've caused me. And one day, I hope someone causes you that much physical pain, because you'd deserve it'' He turned and fled the room, the crowd riled because of that one person. A song came to mind, and I hummed it, the words whirling round my head. A mantra, if you will.

_Who do you think you are, running round leaving scars? Collecting your jar of hearts, and tearing love apart. You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul. Don't come back for me, don't come back at all. _

**Dooone! Sorry, felt like I needed to change from all the soppy much i've been writing recently, and after getting over my own heartbreak, I thought i'd express everything through this story. Writing for me is like an emotional out-put. **

**Review? :) **


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